It's my birthday today. *yay* i guess. haha. i spent most of it sleeping. I'm on MC because of conjunctivitis, yeah, the lamest of reasons to be on MC. But I figure that if God gave me an MC then there must be a reason. So out with O&G for a while and just focus and time alone with my Father and myself.

I happened to read this devotional about how God has to break us down emotionally and physically before we are willing to listen to Him. I mean, I don't know how much to read into devotionals, it's always better to read the Word and have God speak to you through that directly, but I felt that cut straight into my heart.

The truth is that sometimes, maybe even oftentimes, I place rules over the grace of Christ. I like what that woman wrote (must be a fellow Martha-type), how if there were modern day Pharisees, she'd probably make a good one. Well i daren't say I would but i can identify. But then I remember that Jesus always saved the harshest criticism for them. Jesus always looked at the crowds and had compassion, but for the Pharisees He always reserved the harshest judgment. Sometimes I feel bad reading how badly the Pharisees were whacked by Jesus, because it's not like they were bad people, and is not religious zeal because of a desire for holiness (albeit by human strength), because of love for God? But truly there is no way to the Father except through Christ. May we boast of nothing except in the Cross. I guess it's telling when our boast and focus is more on what we do or don't do, our work, the cross that we carry, rather than the cross of Christ. O Lord, forgive me when I think i could do anything to even merit just that bit more of Your love, forgive me when I think I earn just a tiny bit more of righteousness because of what I do, forgive me when I think You love and honour me more because of what I do. Lord may my boasting and focus not be on myself but You, may it always be about You, Father help me to not look within at me always, but to look the skies, to look to the heavens, to see that truly as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is Your love for me. Help me to see that my help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. Father, help me to look within to the love You place in my heart, and without to the goodness of Your love and grace that surrounds me forever.

I wrote this whilst reflecting on my bday some days ago.

Whilst thinking what I want spiritually, I initially thought I want to pray more, see more things happen in young adults min, tell people about Jesus etc. etc., I realised that all that is just making lists yet again, as if Christianity is about having KPIs (key performance indicators). But I think if this year is anything to go by, more than doing things for God, is to know more of God’s love because that is what ultimately drives you, not a sense of duty, obligation, striving because none of us can strive or achieve righteousness on our own, only from the sense of God’s great and surpassing love. So my prayer for myself and my loved ones too is from Eph3:16-19 I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in Your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. My prayer is that we will all know in greater and greater measures the greatness and depth and width of God’s love so that we may all be filled to the measure of the fullness of God, because there can be no greater thing. Where God is there is love, perfect love that drives out all fear, love that never fails.

And so that is my prayer for myself and my loved ones on my bday. Eph3:16-19. May we all grow in the measure of the fullness of the love of God.