Many things on my mind. I should be sleeping. haha. Yes, i stay up late thinking about stuff when I should be either sleeping or finishing up the long obstetrics case report.

I'm struggling with faith. Not doctrine and I totally believe and know that Jesus is my Saviour and that He died to set me free from sin and death. That's all good with me. God has been good, it's been good sharing about Jesus with people. I'm struggling with faith and the reality and context that we live in. Perhaps I'm not praying enough or searching the Scriptures enough, but I just need to articulate this for sanity of mind.

Right now i feel there isn't enough teaching on being a Christian in the 'modern' context. I don't mean to use modernity as an excuse for things or as a cop out, but i seriously mean it. Sometimes when you read Christian literature, and there are many good books out there, and even God's Word, I find it hard to apply it in deeper and increasing measures where I am. I mean I do and God's Word is relevant and sharper than a double edged sword for any season. But seriously, I feel that many Christians are not empowered these days to serve out their calling in life for God because we don't know how to find God where we are. Big example that I was discussing with friends today, lots of people in our church are loaded. Loaded. That's an unavoidable fact. And often we either judge people for being too comfortable with their money or we end up feeling guilty ourselves. We hear about the mighty work God is doing in prisons ministry, in some part of SEA, in missions etc., but for the most part, majority of well-meaning, faithful Christians  (ok so i speak for what i observe and i could be totally wrong) resume going back to their normal jobs, wondering if they are missing out on some measure of God's power in their lives or beat themselves up because they aren't seeing the same things like people in full time ministry. And yes there is some teaching and there are verses, verses on righteouness, on not having unequal scales, on loving the poor etc. etc., but I guess i feel there could be so much more. We could have so many more powerful testimonies of how to exercise faith where we are. It may not be that dramatic, but it is faith nonetheless. I was reading a Charles Spurgeon entry on poor women in developing countries who essentially spend their lives ekeing out a living. Are they doing much for God, on the surface it doesnt seem so, i mean they aren't like telling people about God all the time or serving in this ministry or that etc., but them just working day in day out and not succumbing to the temptation of selling their bodies for easy money is faith. It's not like 'dramatic', 'spiritual' in appearance, but it is a strong faith nonetheless. Issues like being in the finance industry, civil service, medicine, law etc. God has given us so much and i feel that people need to be equipped to use it for His kingdom. And I feel that people are willing, we just don't know how or can't see how sometimes. Ok i guess i'm feeling this sort of dissatisfaction because I'm contemplating YAM and well my life. Next year will be interesting going on exchange. It's been interesting seeing doors shut and open in my life. I really must thank God for the research opportunity that's coming up. We need to fulfill a research requirement as part of our electives and for the longest time I had trouble finding one. I was pretty crushed when the one I was depending on because she's a personal contact of mine didn't reply. Crushed and frustrated. And God has made an amazing provision right now. i had also always thought I wanted to work in a particular hospital all my medical school life. Great hospital environment, great dept i hear, near church, near my home. But looks like the doors are opening to somewhere else, which i don't mind and which I'm quite looking forward to because of the various hospital changes that will come in the future with the expansion of our healthcare facilities to meet the predicted grey wave. Interesting. Interesting.

Oh yes and a good book I would recommend at this point is John Stott's Issues facing Christianity today. I havne't read much of it yet but it seems good. Thanks Daniel, i still have your gift from 2004:) (my goodness, it's been 5 years already!)