I should be sleeping because there's O&G QA tmw, but I can't coz I keep thinking of God's goodness.

It's been such a delight seeing people around me come to know the Lord, or take steps towards that. And i will boast of how faithless I am and how faithful God is. I can sms a friend and think to myself, this person surely won't come for this. I can have so little faith that I just walk off after class and miss the person's call because my hp's always stuck in some unaccessible part of my bag, and the person just turns up at the event. God really doesn't need us to reach out to people. He doesn't. He can do it on His own anytime and probably more efficiently too. But He delights to, He delights in sharing with us the joy of having someone lost to be sought out and found again. It's really true, that He would leave the 99 sheep in the pen to go in search for the 1 that is lost. That when one lost soul is found, all of heaven is rejoicing. God really doesn't need us and yet He desires to draw close to us.

I also happened to eavesdrop on a Bible study whilst studying at some benches in school. I really didnt want to and was more annoyed that the Bible study was intruding into my studying space. heh. But it was such a blessing hearing it. The guy shared how we are ultimately vessels for God, it matters not so much what we are doing for God than what He is doing in and through us. We are but vessels, the more broken, the less appealing, the better. And vessels get no glory, all glory belongs to the Lord. He then said that sometimes in ministry people come up to praise/encourage you. They'd say, thank you for sharing, I was so blessed. And sometimes the pride in us just swells and thinks we are good. But at those times he's convicted by the Spirit and he said "at such times I really know I'm not a good man, I know that if i look deep into my heart, I'm really not a good person, it is only that my God is good." I wanted to cry/fall to my knees/run away and hide. So much stirred in my heart when I heard that. That's one man who really knows Jesus. If only in our churches more and more would say that it is not that we are good, because we know that if we looked even just beyond the surface of our hearts, we are not good, not good at all. It is only that God is good. It is only that God is good. If only we would focus less on ourselves, our hang-ups, our failures, our needs, our disappointments, wants/whatever, and more on God. On His love, on His faithfulness, on His goodness. None of us are good, it is only that He is good.

And I thought, this guys is probably a perm staff from Campus Crusade? I can barely remember his face, I don't know his name. Do the founders of CCC know him? probably not. Will he ever be as big as the founders of CCC, will he preach to thousands or even hundreds, how many people will he bring to the saving knowledge of Christ? I don't know. maybe a lot, then again maybe few. And as far as I can tell, he is a nameless, anonymous person who is known by just those around him. What is he doing? Discipling 3 Christians at a bench in NUS. perhaps he does that day in day out. Will he do 'great' things for Christ? I don't know. but I think in my heart that this guy is very great in the eyes of God, that this guy might never be remembered in Christendom or write books or have his biography written and passed down through the generations, but this humble chap is great in the eyes of God and above all known by His Maker. It reminds me that God doesn't see as man sees. So often we measure Christian 'success' by worldly standards, we see the church through worldly eyes. But God doesnt see that way, man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart. What may seem small is great in the eyes of the Lord if our hearts are tender to His love and just poured out for those around us.

Oh and I just remembered whilst lying in my bed earlier how great the love of Christ is. Why I want to do geriatrics very much has to do with my time caroling as a little teenage girl. i remember one incident vividly. We were going to sing for some old folks in an old folks home. Being one of the few who can string words together in mandarin I had to introduce the caroling group to the old folks. In what stuttering mandarin i could master (not familiar with the terms u see) I said, good afternoon! we're a bunch of carollers from BRMC and we're here to sing some Christmas carols for you. We're here essentially to tell you that Jesus loves you and we hope to share that with you all through our songs. Jesus loves you all. Jesus loves you all. And as the words ye su ai ni barely came out of my mouth, this frail looking old man sitting in a chair started crying. Tears streamed down his face even before we started singing. He was sobbing. That's how great and real the love of Christ is. it's real and freely available to those who recognise their need for it. And it really wasn't me because all I did was to just say 3 words, i mean how minimalist can you get, it's just 3 simple words that anyone can utter, anyone! it wasn't a lengthy sermon explaining the depth of God's love, no profound examination of what loves really means. It was just 3 words. 3 simple words. but the most powerful words there ever are. It really strikes and humbles me how it really doesnt take much to receive the love of Christ. I mean, if it did then we're all done for right. and best of all God pours it out precisely on the neediest, the humblest, the smallest of the small and lowest of the low because they are the ones who know how amazing, how different, how out of this world the love of Christ is. How it is unlike any other. I can still picture that old man in my mind, how he just wept when the Lord showed him how much He loves him. For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him would not perish but have everlasting life. Lord, that You would show us how great and deep is Your love and how great and deep is our need for it. I think you can know love, and you can know love. You can know about Jesus, and you can really really know Jesus, it's whether we are willing to open our hearts to Him or not. No amount of intellectual persuasion or reconciliation will bring you to Jesus, you just reach a point when you make that choice to receive or not. Father, open our hearts to You each day. each day.